Views on LGBTQ+ education

I didnt get taught anything. Might, I mean, my school we had, we got taught sexual health, sex ed in year nine. And we had two separate things. We had one lesson on earlier on in the year, that might have been year eight. And then year nine we had a proper like month of it. But the first thing we ever got taught was a session—from our geography teacher of all people. And all it was, it was about gay people, it was gay people have AIDS. That was what we were taught. It was, you know, about the AIDS crisis and then when I thought I might be gay I started worrying, am I gonna get AIDS from being gay. Didnt realise that what they were saying. So they taught it wrong. And that’s all we heard of LGBT the whole time. We had sex ed and it was just a guy and a girl do this and use contraception and don’t get pregnant and this is an ultrasound and this is this and, and then occasionally guys and guys and girls and girls get together sometimes. That was it. That was all we heard. Nothing, nothing to support asexual people, pansexual, bisexual people, you know, LGBT at all. Nothing. And I didnt find out anything about trans sexual health or you know, saying no to certain things due to dysphoria wasnt taught. I kind of learned the hard way about that. Like I said, I had an abusive girlfriend who would pressure me to do things I wasnt comfortable with that made me dysphoric. You know, and I wasnt taught that, you know, being trans you are able to say no you don’t wanna take off your binder. you’re able say, no, you don’t wanna do this. I kind of wasnt taught about that. I wasnt taught about, you know, safety of this, that or the other. I wasnt taught about you know, two females having sex or two males having sex. I werent taught on anything. I still feel like Ive probably don’t know enough but anything I have learned has been from YouTube videos where Ive actually gone to the effort of thinking, actually, is there, is there advice for this and googled it. Ive learned how to communicate with a partner like beforehand what I’m comfortable with and what I’m not. And Ive been fortunate that any partners Ive had since my abusive ex had been really nice people. So it was mostly her was the problem. But I think there’s not enough information. Not enough information in schools but there’s not enough information online. Ive only ever come across a couple of bits here and there about sexual health for same-sex relationships or whatever. I mean, sometimes, when I’m looking at things that are purely about biological things, I look at AFAB things assigned female at birth, because technically for the time being that’s what I would have to look at for sexual health advice. So I look at those that, there was no information about this, you know, the, that STDs and STIs can be passed between females or between males. I didnt, I didnt know that. And it was, it was a surprise when I found out that that was a thing. So, no, I havent been taught enough and there isnt enough resources online for it.

I didn’t like if, like if we were to have a lesson at school about it, I don’t think, in the nicest way I don’t think Id care, because a teacher don’t know anything about it. Theyre not specialised in it. Theyre not, it’s not like if you’re an English teacher, you know what’s what. You know this is, they don’t know anything about it, so I wouldn’t really care I’d be like well, the half the stuff you are saying is probably irrelevant anyway and you probably have no idea what you’re talking about. So I wouldn’t really pay much attention, which I know sounds ridiculous, considering I’m in this position. But, I just, I wouldn’t take any notice of it, because they are not trained in that, that’s not their field, so I wouldn’t really pay much attention.

Grew up in a very small town kind of, well it was quite a big local school but it was all like the surrounding towns and villages went to this one secondary school. There was no LGBTQ like education before secondary school and then at secondary school it was like in Year 9 we got like a couple of lessons, we got one lesson that was like ‘Okay everyone here is some fake penises, put some condoms on them – but you have to hand all the condoms back in afterwards because the school board won’t let us give out condoms and, you know, won’t let anyone potentially keep a condom’, which is like gross because these were like condoms that have been unrolled and re-rolled down and unrolled and re-rolled down several times, you know, they were using the same condoms for like every class, it was gross but, you know, so like even if someone did want a condom I don’t think they would have taken one of those but, you know. So yeah [laughter] and then I think we had one or two lessons that were like kind of just about sex but it was very, you know, ‘Penis in the vagina this is sex’, gay and lesbian kind of as terms were mentioned and I only remember this because I remember them teaching me like acknowledging well done because I knew that lesbian originated from Lesbos the island because of Sappho, is it Sappho the Greek poet but that was basically it was like yeah ‘Lesbians exist’ that ‘When a woman loves a woman and, you know, they can have sex’ but they didn’t go into any sort of like that’s how, and here’s how sex might be same for gay men. They kind of said ‘Yeah men can also love men’ and they didn’t really go any further than that.

So there was an acknowledgment that gay relationships can happen but there was no sort of mention of my sexuality, there was no mention of transness and there was no sort of anything but penis and vagina sex, no sort of like, and even then it was kind of limited, you know, like wear a condom this is how it works, yeah it was mainly about, I think as well we had one other lesson which was on STI’s and why they’re terrible and why, you know, you shouldn’t have sex or if you do you should only be with certain people you love, you know. It wasn’t quite American Abstinence only teen because they did talk about condoms and stuff but it was quite limited and, yeah really didn’t go into detail on anything other than ‘Here’s how babies are made’.

What’s been your experience of LGBT+ education growing up?

Well I mean I grew up in the time of section 28 so, [laughs] from none to terrible would be the answer.

I mean it was all of my, like relationships and sex education was about straight relationships. Straight, or cis straight sex. I should say. And relationships. I don’t remember ever, I don’t remember trans people ever being mentioned when I was at school. It, well, really in terms of the learning. I don’t remember that being like I can’t remember in history, politics through to sciences that ever being something. I think like there was may, the closest we got was maybe like hermaphrodite animals [laugh]. Exactly. And yeah like other LGB stuff, nah.

What would you like to say about the importance of LGBT+ education in schools?

I mean at the top line it can save lives. It can save lives in the immediate instance of affirming any queer or trans kids in the room. It can also save lives by providing information that protects LGBT+ people either, either like in terms of like sexual health and sexual information, or other bodily information or to give kind of like the confidence and awareness to avoid abusive relationships or be aware of abusive relationships and those sorts of things. But I think it can also normalise our experience among like in the UK in theory, I mean I know it’s not always true in practice but in theory everybody goes to school. If everybody went through that education system it would radically change the world for us potentially, if there was LGBT+ affirming sexual health and relationship information in education. And I think that it, I think that what I would caveat that with is that when we often talk about this we talk about, we talk about LGTB+ education, I know this isn’t what you’ve done but it’s often how it’s talked about in the world, as specific to sexual health. And like the medicalised side, side of being who we are, and then sometimes it’s talked about in terms of like the relationship element, or the kind of PHSE kind of classes. But I feel like there’s also the need for it to be woven through English classes or History classes or it needs to move out of like a specialised space into just part of life.

Tom: So I went in, and then they showed a video in class, and it was like I have quite high anxiety now, so this will make sense if I say that, and I remember they were showing a video about trans people, and then they were going to say, So this is, [name] is doing this now And but they were like, Do you want to be in the classroom when it’s doing it And I said, Yeah And I was like, I don’t know why look about, I was like why on earth did I say that? Like I’d be like no, get rid of it, other side of the school, now but yeah so I was, I think that’s one thing that I quite miss, because I was quite a confident kid when I was younger, and I feel like I’ve lost that recently, because of my anxiety, but yeah.

Tom’s mum: They showed the video what was it called, My life The,

Tom: Yes

Tom’s mum: The BBC

Tom: it’s on CBBC. And it’s basically about my, it’s called My Life and it basically just explains different kids’ stories, and there was this trans one and they basically showed that so it kind of relate with the kids.

Tom’s mum: it’s, it was really good. Because first of all the school were more than prepared to show it because it was a CBBC programme. So, they knew that it was suitable for their target audience. Second of all it explained

Tom: Everything

Tom’s mum: It explained trans as you know, as a lifestyle, the fact that it wasn’t a choice, the you know how does it happen. It just really explained it really simple terms, that this isn’t a person choosing, Oh I don’t fancy being a girl anymore, I want to be a boy but actually this is a feeling that you have always been this thing, and then it looked at the, talked to this lad about Leo, I think his name was about, it showed the transition process, talked to him about the issues that he had experienced, the things that were, that were helpful to him, and also it talked about blockers as well, didn’t it?

Tom: Yeah

Tom’s mum: And showed him, not actually showed him having a blocker injection, but showed sort of, they had discussion with Mum and, and Leo before the injection, then he goes off and has it done, then he comes out and talks about how it feels and things like that. And also, he got his passport, didn’t he?

Tom: Yeah.

Tom’s mum: In his new name, and things like that. So it was, it was just really a kind of holistic view from a kid’s perspective.

Tom: I and I was down in [city] and I wasn’t at the [organisation], I was at, what was it called [place],

Tom’s mum: [place]

Tom: And I was waiting in the waiting room, and I was, I saw him, but obviously we were both grown up a little bit, and I was with my Dad and I was like, You know, you know that video that we showed everyone, that’s him And it was quite, it was quite nice to see, and he was sitting there with his girlfriend actually, well I guess they were, they were girlfriend and boyfriend, and it was just like really cool to see, cos he really helped me get through it. And it was really nice to see him.

I went to the like sexual health clinic and like obviously they gave me like the female form, because they read me as a female, on the day and it asked for things that aren’t relevant, you know, like, like, oh when was your last period? Have you been pregnant? And things like that where, things that I couldn’t answer because they just weren’t applicable and there was no questions about you know the fact that I had a penis, you know, like, it was an awkward thing.

But like I was fortunate in the, like and I think luckily like I went to, I went to talk to them, and they were like, Oh we’re so sorry, we don’t have like a form that, so, I’ll give you both, both of them, so tick whatever applies and then, and they were really apologetic and like really like you know, they, they felt bad. They, they genuinely did, they didn’t want you know anyone to feel like, especially because you’re going to a sexual health clinic, it’s already an awkward situation for cis people I imagine and so like on top of that being trans as well, so yeah, like that was the essential, and like so yeah I had like the blood test or whatever and like pee in a cup I think it was, I can’t remember exactly. Yeah and then like that was it essentially, and they’d send me the results and like, You’re all clear

But there’s, I know like, I think it was weird because like technically I would have been a candidate for PrEP, like I would have been possible, like because I know in Wales I think it has started in England now as well, but Wales they have a scheme for PrEP essentially, you’re put on PrEP if you’re like bisexual, like if you’re considered like sleeping with bisexual men or something like that, I can’t remember exactly, the exact thing. But like and it applied for trans women too, and stuff like that. And there was, so technically I would have been, but like it didn’t come up because at the time I was like sleeping with a cis woman, so it wasn’t an issue. And I’ve not, I was monogamous and not seeing other people.

So, yeah but like that was something they offered and considered, so they’ve been really good I’d say here at least. They’ve been like, you know they’ve been as far as the experience no like, I didn’t feel like I was being, like they were there to you know make sure I didn’t have any STI’s and they did it, to be honest. The only complaint was really the forms and they were really apologetic about it, so I can’t really even then, it was just kind of like they weren’t, like they, they were just being their happy friendly selves, they weren’t like, Oh, you’re a trans person or anything like that. So, it was pretty good.

When teachers and education staff oh, it’s, I mean I don’t know how, I mean I haven’t been in school for a while, so heaven knows how it is right now, but as far as I can say it’s just, make sure you use the pronouns and their preferred name when a kid says, do not disclose they’re trans, or sexuality, anything like that’s personal to them to their parents, because it’s illegal, it’s, would put them in risk, in possible danger. So it’s a safeguarding thing.

Another thing is just when, like especially for trans kids and stuff a teacher is sometimes the only form of like the only person they can talk to about things, and be, be ready to like signpost them if you can, if you’re not able to talk about some things or like treat them like they’re not wrong to be thinking the way they are, if that makes sense. Like they, like give them space, encourage them to like find people like them, I guess, if that make sense, like because the one of the most things that can be in school especially is that it can be so isolating when you’re like different from everyone else. And helping them find other people just like them, whether that be in staff or other pupils, if possible. It could make a world of difference for that kid.

And especially like, even if you don’t believe that, even if you don’t believe in trans, trans people or whatever, but like even if they’re hanging out with other trans people, like it means they do better in your class, surely that’s enough? Like if they will be a healthier and happier person, and as a teacher you should want that, and like, so trying to educate yourself on trans issues and being affirming and reject any of that Transgender Trend nonsense that you might get in the post or whatever, just get, get rid of that listen to trans people.

What would you like to see changed around education?

Just that being queer or trans or however you identify just isn’t, is a like a non-issue if you’re, if we’re teaching kids about like different family make-ups, not even just in sexual education because like being trans or being queer or LGBT or whatever it’s not just about like sexuality it’s about how we live our lives, it’s about – especially queerness – it’s about our beliefs it’s about like our rejection of different aspects of society. And so to just allow that to be a part of like when we think about families, when we think about people like when we think about just anything like ‘That person might be queer, that person might be trans’ and that’s just a part of life as opposed to like this addition or like this thing that’s only apparent in sexual education. So yeah trying to break down an understanding of our identities as like these sexual things it’s just, we’re just living our lives [laughter].

I think with this sort of thing you need to respect someone’s privacy, so it is, it’s a hard one because obviously I’ve never been in that position where I’ve been in school and needed any support like that, it, I suppose it depends because if you’ve got a pupil that’s you know, openly transgender and they’re, cos I know they’re, the cases where you know someone’s openly transgender but they’re in a same sex school, so you know an all-girls school, and then a trans man comes out, but they can’t change schools, they have to stay in the same sex school. And I think in that situation you just need to try your best to be respectful, and need to actually ask, don’t assume, ask the person and obviously not anything inappropriate, but ask the person, do your research, like speak to you know healthcare professionals, speak to, go on forums, go on groups, watch you know dramas on TV, watch documentaries, because at school this, you know school can be the best place and it can be the worst place.

Kids are cruel and you know, some, you know not, not all, not all situations I’ve heard of you know, people have had a bad experience within school. Some have had brilliant experiences in school, where they were supported, but, but for teachers you are basically responsible for this person for the majority of their, their day, each day. So you know get to know them, obviously see what they, just work with the person, see what they’re comfortable with, what pronouns they prefer to use, how, and just ask how can they, they help. And yeah the best, the best way to do that is to do your research, don’t assume and but don’t also put too much emphasis on, on it, because that’s the worst thing you can do, you know make someone feel alienated or, or like, like they’re getting absolute special treatment.

So if you want, so say for me at work the you now there’s a couple of managers that I’ve told, they never speak to me about it in front of anyone else they, they don’t single me out or make it obvious, it’s just a case of it’s just between us and you know if any, if I want anyone else to know I will, I will tell them, so it’s kind of like don’t make a, you know a situation out of it because you know ultimately you just want to live a nice life, with, we don’t, it’s not that oh we want to be, obviously it’s nice for people to recognise that we exist, but it’s not a case of, we don’t want to have to be doing these protests and fight for the rights all the time, we just want to have a nice life. But it’s unfortunate we have to do all this protesting, we have to do all these interviews and we have to do these things because, or else nothing will change, you know, but, I mean for someone whose just trying to get through school you don’t want to make a massive deal out of it, but you do want to, obviously where you can, accommodate and by the only way you can do that is by researching and actually asking and speaking to that pupil. And teachers also need to you know not make it a big thing because obviously then other students pick up on that, and then they will start sort of thinking, Oh this is a big thing like so it might alienate the student.

So you know what, there needs to be more education on it in schools, as well, just like you sex education you get taught about the birds and the bees, male and female parts, and then at the end of the day this is all part of it. They can’t, and you know you’ve got these, these parents protesting about LGBT education and I think for what? Because unless you’re going to shield your child for the rest of their lives, from the outside world, then that’s, it doesn’t matter. Like at the end of the day they need to be at least education just because the pure fact, because of history, obviously history, LGBT people were oppressed, so this is the reason why it needs to be in the education because obviously generations before us wasn’t so accepting of it wasn’t an everyday life thing, so it’s not necessarily the automatic rules that need to be taught from now then as time goes on generations come, it’s just you know a normal thing. Because it is just a normal thing. Like who you love and who you want to have sex with is just, it’s just that. So, it’s a case that there needs to be education to let people know, you know, this is a thing, it is this. You don’t have to be ashamed of it, this is part of everyday life, apart from there is a history and this is what used to happen, but this is where, how we’ll go forwards.

And it needs to become the norm because at the end of the day, as I said, who you, who you love and who you choose to have sex with is, it’s just that. So if it’s someone of the same sex, or someone of the same sex it really isn’t a big deal, so it needs to be put into to, you know people from when they’re young that this is not a big deal because we all know the fears of being different and how it’s affected us as people. Some people it has really, really affected them and they’ve, they’ve ruined their lives, over it. You know they’ve done, they’ve lashed out in different ways, and they’ve shed their anger in different ways.

Whereas some people have you know sort of used that to build themself as a person and it has given them strength, but at the end of the day that fear of being different, it needs to be gone, it needs to be gone.

To teachers I would say if a child asks to be, to go by a different name in class then even if you can’t change it on the system let them, and be mindful of this, if they’ve told you to keep doing it and if there’s a substitute inform the substitute teacher because it can be really awkward trying to explain to a substitute teacher that your name on the register isn’t your actual name. But also be mindful about pronouns and also be mindful that trans individuals can be more at risk of bullying and to be on the lookout for like gender-based bullying a lot more and to maybe offer like a safe space for them to go at lunch if they’re experiencing it really badly.