What happens if only one parent supports the transition?
Impact on relationships
For those people we spoke to who were no longer in a relationship with the other parent, like Georgina and Ross, disagreements about their child's gender expression could add to existing tensions. Georgina gave an example where her trust in her ex-partner was strongly questioned.Georgina says her son does not talk to his father about his gender identity.
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It’s, four years nearly. And he still has a problem. He does call him the right name and the right pronouns and things like that. But they don’t talk about it. They don’t like to discuss it. And his girlfriend is much, much worse. She’s quite transphobic. So it isnt nice sending them there knowing that that’s the atmosphere. They quite often don’t want to go either. So, so yeah, he was a stumbling block with the doctors, but only a little bit. He what happened was, he wanted to go and have a check over the referral form, basically and make sure that wed put in what he thought was right.
Ross’s ex-partner and mother of his son was against the transition and this caused friction in his son’s relationship with his mother.
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Mum was always absolutely anti transition from the word go, will not use, even to this day, will not use correct pronouns. Wont even accept the Deed Poll changed name. So, there’s always been a bit of a clash where I just accepted the transition completely and utterly and was 100% supportive where mum, still to this day, still doesnt accept the transition even though were quite a long way through the journey now. But still wont accept it. There’s always been a lot of friction between my child and my child’s mother, where me and my child have always got on brilliantly.
Impact on healthcare
Parental disagreements can impact the healthcare the young person receives. Ross talked about how his ex-partner's opposition to hormone blockers during the early GIDS appointments meant that his son went through unwanted puberty. Georgina described her ex-partner as a 'stumbling block with the doctors' and also worried about how his attitude might impact future care for her son. She worried that the GIDS might prioritise her son's relationship with his father over his desire for medical intervention such as hormone blockers.Georgina was concerned that her ex-partner would be a barrier to future medical interventions for her trans son.
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I have said to them that I’m aware that he feels, I didnt say negatively, because he isnt openly negative. He just doesnt talk about it. His ex is, I mean, his girlfriend is negative. But I have said, if he disagrees with the course of action that we decide on or that we decide is best for [participant’s child’s name] would that stop that happening. Would he be able to stop any medication or whatever. And they said, We would always do what’s best for the child. And that was their answer. So if they thought that blockers was the best thing for [participant’s child’s name] then that’s what they would do. That said, I think they would probably factor in that the relationship with his dad may deteriorate if he was given those and therefore, would that then be in his best interest. How would they weigh it up, I’m not sure.
Ross thought that mum’s opposition to hormone blockers meant that his child missed out on hormone blockers.
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[Gender Identity Development Service] had previously offered hormone blockers, but that was at the point when mum was going to the meetings and mum fiercely went against blockers. So then [Gender Identity Development Service] never ever mentioned it again until my child was eighteen and pretty much out the other side of puberty.
Had they started blockers at 13 then they could have started testosterone at 17, 18. And puberty would have been a whole lot smoother and easier. So, Ive, not the fault of the NHS, not the fault of the [Gender Identity Development Service]. It was more mum’s intervention which then really scared them off, cause it was never mentioned in the early appointments that I went to they just breached the subject and they didnt even bring—I didnt know, because at that point, I wasnt aware that we could have done it.